Are ALL things really working together for my good? How to survive those perfect storm kind of days

Do you encounter a situation where you wonder, "Just what is God doing in my life right now?" If you know me, and let's face it, you probably do if you are taking the time to read this, you know that I will freely admit to asking this question more than once (and sometimes more than once a day).  Every now and again I have those days that end up being a perfect storm of old issues, problems, pain, and crisis.  When that happens, I start to wonder just what God's plan is for all of it.  I had one of those days yesterday.  By the end of the day, I started to lose it.  I can't be the only one that does this. Yesterday was a bit different though.  Once I stopped and took the time to calm down a little bit I prayed a pray.  The gist of it was "Dear Lord, I really hope you've got this, because right now I sure as heck don't." 

On top of praying, I've been listening to this song quite a bit. I think it's pretty appropriate that this song is called Steady My Heart, because that is what it did for me yesterday.  Of course, that wasn't all that happened.

I went to bible study last night and one of the scriptures we read through was Romans 8:28. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  That was not the first time I've heard this verse.  I've heard messages on it and sang worship songs about it before.  Although for some reason, I finally opened up my heart to internalize it yesterday.

So, is God really using ALL things for my good?  The short answer is yes, but when I think about it, it's pretty amazing.  Everything that is going on is all going to come together for God's perfect plan and purpose.  This doesn't just mean the good stuff.  No, it means everything.  So, when people are freaking out at you, you have deadlines, people are sick, you find out that a person that took a machete to your heart was married over the weekend, or that person you have been trying to avoid lands right smack on your door step, you have to trust in God that there is a perfect plan in the works.  I know this is easier said than done. 

So, how can you survive and trust in God's plan when you feel like your life is just too crazy and out of control?  Yesterday three things set me straight: Worship, Bible, and Prayer.  Worship is pretty easy.  For me, I put in some music like the song her and try to listen and internalize the message. 

Once you do that, get out your bible and study it.  If you don't have a bible, there are plenty of free sites and apps where you can read it there.  Verses will pop out at you like Romans 8:28 and bring you peace.  You may need help with this, so its important to have friends that you can call to help you through and point you to the right scriptures.  I find that God tends to use people and situations to beat me over the head with certain messages.  (If you check out www.biblegateway.com you'll see that Romans 8:28 is the verse of the day. Apparently it takes me longer than most to stop and listen.) 

The last thing is prayer.  I know this is touchy for some especially if you grew up Catholic like me and had to spend a lot of time memorizing prayers.  One thing I've learned recently is that there is no right or wrong way to pray.  My prayers are very real and almost conversational.  I listen to others pray and they are much more eloquent.  I used to be jealous of people who could pray like that, but I'm finding that it's more important to actually stop and take the time to pray than to worry about how eloquent you are doing it. 

So, fast forward to this morning. I woke much more at peace.   Although I don't know how the big picture is all going to come together, I spent today totally confident that everything is going to come together for good in God's time.  Now, I just have to internalize some patience.  But that my friends will be a different blog entirely. 

Blessings until next time...

When Your Month Comes In Like a Lion

     I always thought that March was supposed to be the month that comes in like a lion.  It turns out that January came in that way, and it’s not going out like a lamb at all.  

     In my last post, I affirmed that I would be dedicated in my evangelization, personal bible study, and taking care of myself in 2012.  I set a workout schedule.  I started a bible reading plan.  I even vowed to make more time for blogging.  It was all going to be perfect. 

     Then on January 7^th, I received some news that turned my life on its head.  I’m fine, but someone called me with some terrible news.  I can’t post the details here, because their story is not mine to share, but I will tell you, I was angry, upset, and scared to death.  

     Now, the me that I was two years ago probably would have ended up in a ball in the corner crying and not knowing what to do.  Granted, I really didn’t know what to do.  So, I prayed.  Now don’t get me wrong, I was still pretty pissed off.  I asked a lot of questions.  In particular, “Why the heck is God letting this happen?”  Then in true form, I started to feel bad, because who the heck am I to question Father God like that.  

    Thankfully I have some good friends with a strong background in the bible.  Thanks to one of those friends, I learned that I am not the only person who ever asked this question.  I also learned that my question was alright.  I just needed to continue to trust in God and pray.  I know, it’s easier said than done, but try it once when you’re at your wits end and your world’s falling apart and see what happens.

     I did something else that was completely uncharacteristic in this situation.  I asked for help and prayers.  Right away, I called and texted my closest friends.  I emailed everyone that I knew who would offer up prayers for this person.  I requested prayers in a status update on Facebook.  I called people just to ramble and talk.  So, instead of running and hiding, I sought out the people around me.  I let them give me words of encouragement and pray with me.      

     Through that something pretty miraculous happened.  I actually started to trust that God would fix the situation.   Perhaps more importantly, I had the strength to deal with everything that was going on.  Now, I will admit, I was pretty exhausted and didn’t sleep, but I was able to deal with everything was going on.

As if that was not enough, something else even more miraculous happened; I found out that the news I got was wrong.  Again, I can’t share the exact details, but I will stress to you that if you are in a profession that requires you to write numbers and decimal points on reports, make sure you put them in the correct place and order.  Just saying…

     As the end of January is upon us, I wish I could report that my life was less stressful, and that I had all the answers for this person’s situation.  Things are still up in the air, and it seems like every time this person gets one answer in life, it leads to about six or seven more questions.  The insomnia still hits and it often happens at the most inopportune times.  (If anyone ever needs a prayer buddy between 3am and 5am let me know, I may know someone ;) ) I don’t think my life will ever truly quiet down and be stress free.  I do know two things though.  God is with me through all of it, and I have some of the greatest friends in this world.  It definitely makes the endless roller coaster of ups and downs much easier to bear.  

    Wishing everyone blessings.  Until next time…

Happy New Year! Hello friends, it's been awhile

Hello friends!  I'm jumping on the blogging bandwagon to wish everyone a very Happy and Blessed New Year.  I also wanted to take a little time to talk about my resolutions for 2012.

First off, I have to tell you just how much I hate making resolutions.  I usually start the year with very lofty goals and by January 15th I've fallen off the wagon and given up.  I've been thinking a lot now, and I've realized that this year was probably going to be no different.  About two and a half months ago I had the brilliant idea to start a sugar fast today.  Without going into all the details, I came up with this idea to try to prove to someone that if I could quit sugar, she could quit smoking.  It was really not my finest and most understanding moment(s).  And really, since this blog is called Finding God, definitely not something that was putting me on the path of love and righteousness or a WWJD moment.  So instead, I've tried to come up with a list of resolutions that will keep me on the path to Finding God in 2012.

I think one of the most important things I'd like to do is to stop being fearful about talking about my faith.  When I first became a Christian, I was pretty much shouting  it from the rooftops and talked about it to everyone that would listen.  It was probably pretty annoying to some.  I was really on fire, but then I started to get a little deflated when I didn't get the responses from people that I hoped for.   Eventually, I didn't even begin to discuss the subject with some people.  So, my first resolution is going to be to stop shying away from those opportunities to share my faith and my journey.  I'll start here, and hopefully, if the opportunity comes up in the real world, I'll get that fire back.  You may ask, "What's the point?"  Well, to quote Matthew 28 "Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,  and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

This is a nice segue to resolution number 2, taking at least 15 minutes a day to study the bible.  This has been pretty difficult in years past.  In fact, this is one of the resolutions that fell by the wayside pretty early on in 2011.  I'm going to be honest with you here.  Reading the bible can be hard.  Especially reading the Old Testament.    I've started countless bible plans and have given up most of the ones revolving around the Old Testament, because I simply haven't gotten it.  Unfortunately, the only way I'll be successful with resolution number 1 is to give it another go.  This is pretty important, because I'm finding the people that have given me the most insight into my life when times have been tough are the ones that have been able to instantly recall a bible verse that pertains to my situation in the moment.  I'm always in aww when someone does this, but I've come to realize they can do this, because they study.  I've found a couple of pretty great bible studies that I go to now, and I will probably keep going.  Now, I just need to do the work on my own at home too.


Resolution number three is probably going to be the toughest.  I need to take better care of myself.  If you know me well in real life, you have most likely given me grief at one point or another for living my job.  I'm probably never going to stop doing that, because let's face it, I love my job.  What's not to love?  When you see a child begin to speak in full sentences after only saying single words or see a parent with tears in their eyes because they are watching their child do something for the first time, why wouldn't you want to live that every day of your life?  Although I'm realizing that the only way I'm going to be able to do this for the next 30-40 years, I'm going to need to take better care of myself.  Don't worry, I'm not sick myself, but I know quite a few people who are.  So, I've come to realize, we only have one physical body, so we have to take care of it.  This means skipping the cookies for breakfast and hitting the gym more than once a month when a wave of insomnia has hit.  In the upcoming weeks, I'm going to come up with a routine and find a way to stick to it.  I've been resistant, because this will probably mean being up and out very early in the morning.  But, I have a feeling that if I start now, I'll be appreciative when I can still get out of bed and live my job every day when I'm 70.  I also have to confess that if I do this for a couple of months and start feeling better,  I'm really hoping that person that is still smoking will take notice of the positive changes and become motivated to make changes herself.  Ok, I know that this is still not the most loving and understanding of motives, but at least, I'm not trying to make my point by outstubborning.  I hope that counts for something.  


I wish all of you the Happiest of New Years, and I pray that you will all be blessed in 2012.

Finding God

In some ways, I feel my journey to Christianity was pretty long and boring.  I didn’t have one of those dramatic conversion experiences that I’ve heard many people talk about.  In fact, I actually had to ask someone how I would know if I was really a Christian.  (Which I thank the wonderful instructors at my church’s Alpha class for not chuckling or batting an eye when I asked that one).  

Before we get to where I’m at now, I think it’s important to understand how I got here.  I’m not going to go over every single detail.  My story overlaps with the story of other people in my life, and their stories are not mine to tell.  So, I will give you the condensed version without leaving out any of the important details.

I spent a lot of my life searching and trying to fill that big God sized hole in my heart.  I tried a lot of different things including yoga, reiki, Sanskrit meditation, therapy, self-helping readings, etc, but nothing worked.  Some things would help for a little while, but eventually I would wind up miserable and depressed again.

Since none of those things worked, I threw myself into all the things that I thought a 20 something like myself should be doing at the time like getting married, going to grad school, buying a house, getting a good, stable job (I think you get the picture).  Again, I still ended up miserable and depressed.  

Fast forward to 2009, and finally everything had fallen apart.  I ended up separated and living alone for the first time ever.  This is when I first think God started to move in my life.  I hate to say it, but I resisted for over a year.  Finally in September 2010 I went to church.  I was raised Catholic and had gone in and out of the faith throughout my adult life.  This church was unlike anything I had ever really experienced.  It was a place without judgment and condemnation.  Now, I know that it was the first time I truly felt God’s love moving in my life.

I went back to the same church the next week, and they advertised a class called Alpha.  I probably would have resisted or made excuses not to go, but they offered a meal and answers to questions about faith.  I had nothing to lose.  So, I went the first week and I loved it.  I can’t say enough good things about the Alpha program, because it changed my life.  The 10 week course was truly instrumental in my becoming a Christian.

Since that point, my life has changed.  I have let go of so much anger and bitterness in my life.  I forgave people that I once swore never to forgive.  I’ve mended relationships that were once irreparable.  I have a new job that I love that challenges me in ways I never thought possible.  And most importantly, I realize that I had really had nothing to do with any of this.  Yes, I mean that.  If I would have kept doing and doing the way I once was, none of this ever would have happened.  Everything I have done and achieved in the past year is because of God, and God is so good.

Now, I’m not saying that life is perfect, sunshine, and rainbows every single day.  I still get upset and frustrated.  I am also most certainly not even close to perfect.  But, I finally know that I can do all things through Christ.  That gives me the strength to get through each and every day.  Now, I want to share my story with everyone that will listen.